his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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