You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
