Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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