You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
