Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We have started to decorate penises.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
