also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
