so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
