i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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