Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
