a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
