I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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