It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is Oprah even human
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
