Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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