yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
