if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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