Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
