But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
