at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Ladies don't puke and tell
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
