his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize