I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
