I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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