Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize