I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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