If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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