Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
