Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
