God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
