EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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