i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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