Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
