he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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