dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
now i know why i became what i already was.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
