Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
