she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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