Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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