Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
