Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
