So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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