I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
