This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
