he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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