Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
