you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
