I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize