It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
