so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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