Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
