I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
