Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
