My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize