...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
