Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
