I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my poor anus
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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