There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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