READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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