I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize