coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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