I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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