Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
youre lurking in front of me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
