dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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