so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
