Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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