I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
