dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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